If you love it...

Last year I did something I really absolutely didn't want to do. I took a speech class. I hate public speaking. I hate having peoples attention on me. It weirds me out. But I didn't make my schedule so I had to take it.
The first speech I gave was about poop. I introduced a book entitled "Everybody Poops" because everybody does poop. Every one poops because everyone eats. Everyone eats because everyone grows. Everyone who grows also must live. To live, one must eat and as we just briefly covered - if you eat, you poop. And everyone poops... And once again leads to growth.
Aside from physical growth, there is also spiritual growth and personal growth. This kind of growth does not require soul food but rather food for the soul. It requires life experience. And while some people are perfectly content in the walls of life that contain them, this little bird isn't.
About 6 months ago I realized that it's time to get away. I began then to prepare for whatever my future may hold. I wasn't certain what that would be but I knew that it meant packing up my nest and unbinding my wings. I knew that the time had come to show my real wing span and fly south to start anew.
As well prepared flights often experience turbulence, I suspect I will as well. But I will continue on. I was very recently reminded to keep my faith and reliance in God and all will be well. Because when my wings get tired, I know that I will still be able to carry on.
There are a lot of birds left in the tree - mama birds, sister birds, brother birds, and friendly neighbor birds that sit huddled together waiting to see if I will fly or fall. Perhaps some of the anxious to see me go, some of the excited or nervous or scared. Some of them may not want me to go at all. But this little birds wings are cramped and sore. They need to spread and do what they were meant to do. They need to fly.
So to all the other birds out there - sitting in the nest, holding your breath out of anticipation, know that I will be ok. No matter what happens, I will be ok.
It is time that I say goodbye to all my loved ones. My little tree. My familiarity. It is time I pack up my nest and go. And as hard as it may be.
But as they say: If you love it...

(but it will come back again)

Elsie's Thanksgiving Day Parade

Pretty much, my Thanksgiving was amazing. There's not really any other way to put it. I don't mean to bring any one down or make anyone jealous. I just speaketh the truth. Let me tell you all about it:

My Thanksgiving break started on that Tuesday. I believe it was the 23rd. I had class that day. I didn't exactly pay my greatest attention. In my last class I may have been involved in a game of hangman. Allegedly. After that I rushed out the door to head to my moms office to meet her so she could take me to the train station. WOO!!! SO excited! This is what the train looks like when it's not there:


The train eventually came and left - with me on it! I spent the next 15 hours waiting to arrive in Sacramento. Fortunately the girl I sat next too was friendly. And the conductors were rather quirky too. They played on their speakers and was sure to give us updates on the big game. This usually happen as the girl next to me was on the phone with her husband. SHe was a good sport about it and we laughed. Ha ha ha.. (Like that).
When I got to Sacramento, Missy (who paid for the whole trip! THANK YOU!)and Auntie (her aunt) picked me. We then went to Aunties house where I felt like I slept for an hour at least. Apparently it was a whole 15 minuets. Either way, it felt great.
After my nap we headed to Clovis where Missy lives. The drive there was interesting. Auntie and Missy are fun people to be around. And holiday traffic is a blast!

Once we were in Clovis, I became anxious. I had big plans to surprise a friend I had been talking with on the phone (a friend of a friend who I had yet to meet - though we had a date planned for the upcoming Friday). I wasn't sure how it was going to go. How do you approach some one you've never met but talked with so much? I didn't know either.. But I was going to find out. This fella was in class so I sent him this picture message to let him know he had a surprise:

This means: SURPRISE!! I'm at your school! - Apparently his first thought was "Oh.. My car's a mess" Men. Such deep thinkers!
Anyway, so Missy insisted on going in with me to make sure we were at the right part of the school. We walked in and saw a classroom - students and all. We figured this was it. I felt nervous 'cause the professor could see out the window of the door and I didn't want him to think anything fishy was going on - though he'd have good reason to.
I was kinda wrapped up in this thought and out of no where Missy darts down the hall! I had no idea what she was doing! I just knew she ran so I must run too! So I ran down the other hall!I of course figured the prof. was out to see what in the haystacks was going on.. After a minuet or so, I peered around the corner where Missy was pointing and mouthing: He's in the bathroom!
WHAT?!
We then met up and she informed me that the guy I was waiting for was in the restroom. AH! We didn't know if he'd been witness to our shenanigans but I did know that it was time for Missy to leave. I didn't want to insult her but I hadn't even met the guy and I felt it would be double awkward to have to introduce my friend as well as myself. So Missy left - and then texted to make sure all was ok. I love her!
All was ok. He came out of the bathroom and I was all ready to stand there awkwardly but he hugged me. Good move! It was a shirt hang out session as he had things to do, what with not having expected me to show up and all. So he dropped me off at Missy's where I plopped into bed and got a good nights rest.
Here's what a sexy lady looks like after a good nights rest:

Oooh. Shexshay. And ready for the holiday. Thanksgiving had arrived!To celebrate, we went to Missy's grandparents house where they firmly believe in the 'you kill it, we grill it' motto:

Just kidding.
While I was waiting for the big feast to be ready, I got to enjoy some California sunshine!

(and the picture I send via picture message that apparently made everyone in Oregon mad at me):

It was worth it! How could you not want to be here! SO beautiful!I had SUCH a good time! But there was still more to do!
After the meal and soaking up the sun, it was time to head back to town. Missy had to doggy sit. So we hit the store and loaded up on girlie magazines, ice cream, candy and girlie movies! IT WAS A BLAST!!! I don't really have girlie friends like Missy back home and I'd really been craving some girl time. It was MUCH needed and I can't thank her enough for all she did for me and the great time I had with her. What a huge blessing having her in my life!
After a night of ice cream and more shenanigans we got up early to hit the stores - mainly target. The lines were long and I was pretty sure my stomach was going to explode from hunger but other than that, it wasn't so bad. I purchased a book that kept us entertained and very informed for my upcoming date. This book is called: Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.
Thank you, Steve Harvey for all your great input and advice! I highly recommend this book! It's funny AND informative.
So after gaining much knowledge on how to think like a man and act like a lady (I'm not sure which part I need more help with!)I got ready for my date. WEEE!
It started off about 20 minuets late. But that's ok. Because he called. POINTS.
We then went to get coffee. I had him pick my beverage. I don't remember what it was but I do remember it was good. I could go for another one..
We then went to go see Fantastic Mr. Fox. I liked it and I believe he did too. Good pick.
After the movie we had plans to go to a park but it turned out that I accidentally packed Oregon weather and it started to rain. We skipped ahead in our plans and headed to his house to watch Elf and drink cocoa. But first, we had to get pizza and cookies. Why? Because early I had mentioned wanting pizza and cookies. And he was a very good sport. So off we went:

While we waited for the pizza, I saw this outside:

Isn't it beautiful? It was actually a double rainbow but the other one got camera shy.
After we got the pizza we headed towards his house to continue the date - which went pretty well. However, we concluded that it wasn't going to work out. There were a number of reasons: His stage in life. My stage in life. Recognition that those aren't components equivalent to a relationship (thanks Mr. H.!). But it was still a good time. After the movie and some chit chat he drove me back to Missy's where I once again, plopped down for a good nights rest.
The next morning was the beginning of the dreaded day: Saturday. The day I had to leave the magical land of California.
We spent most of the day being lazy. Which was fantastic. We stayed in jammies and watched some make-over show. Then realized it would in fact work out for me to go see my favorite family of 13: The Samualsons! So we scurried along to get ready to go.
I was so excited I was going to be able to see them! I missed them all so much! I called them on the way there (to make sure they were home) and then "had to go".. I wanted to keep it a surprise. When we got there I just walked right on it and got a huge hug sandwich! It was amazing! I couldn't stay long as I had a flight to catch but it was SOO good to see them. And there were only 2 that weren't there. 11 out of 13 isn't bad for a surprise visit.
It wasn't long (not long enough) into the visit that Missy informed me it was time to go. So we said our goodbyes and headed towards the airport.
I was so so so so so sad to leave. But I had an AMAZING time. I love being there. I love the people I get to see. I love the feeling of welcome-ness. Thank you SOO much, Missy for all that you've done and do for me! I love you!

Camp Anawana (Sugar Pine)..

Some people believe that the best way to learn to swim is to be thrown into a body of water and let your body react naturally and it will all work itself out. I believe if a person doesn't know how to swim and they are thrown into a body of water, they will flail about for a minuet or two and chances are they will drown. My point is, I don't know where to being on telling you about my summer, so I'm just going to jump in:

This summer I had my very first camp experience, I was away from home longer than I ever had been before, I didn't know any one at camp when I left home and I had the most amazing time ever!

I didn't have any expectations when I arrived at camp and therefore didn't have any room to be let down. When I first got there I was informed that 1)Don't go off first impressions and 2)Just because it's a Christian environment, I should still be careful.
I am grateful for both these pieces of advice, but mainly the 2nd as I have a tendency to be a little naive when it comes to who to trust.
There were parts of the summer that were great fun such as getting to meet all the new people, making friends, enjoying new company, swimming, team building, my first In N Out experience, fake arguments in the work place, chapel, finally going running, etc. But there were also some really heavy times such as a death in a co-workers family. Or the death of a camper. And then calling home to find out all these people in friend's lives have also passed away. This was a very trying time in my summer and for about a week or 2 I had a really hard time talking with God. I was mad at Him and when you're mad at someone, you just don't want to talk with them. Finally I opened up and spoke honestly to Him and it all worked out. I still don't know the reason behind it all and I probably never will but my faith is still in tacked and that's the most important.
At the beginning of the summer I met a guy named Gifford. I quickly realized that in my spare time I was in search of his company and about the second week into it a liking for one another was discussed. In the end, nothing much came of the matter between Giff and I but I did spend a lot of the summer getting to know his family. I became the "local exchange sibling" - according to his brother, Evan. Being the emotional creature God created me to be, I of course have come to love this family. There are 13 of them in all and they are all amazing in their own way.


This is Claire. We learned how to grill burgers together. Despite the massive flames, the burgers were quite tasty!
"
This is Evan. To be completely honest, I didn't really care for him at the beginning.But it turns out he is a pretty cool guy and I really view him as a brother. (He picked on me a lot!)

This is Natalie and Cami. They are really sweet and love to sing. They learned to play the recorder this summer.

This is Winston. Winston could be very gentlemanly for a 5 year old. He is very sweet but is addicted to video games. He loves "Persia Persia" (Prince of Persia) And SkippyJon Jones. He's got part of it memorized!

And this is Liam. Liam provided me with nonstop entertainment. Some of it came from being so cute, and some of it came from his lack of being able to make it to the toilet at the appropriate time.

Here I am with Natalie, Winston and Claire.
Unfortunately I don't have pictures of the rest of the family so we'll move on to my work environment...
Here we have Jess and Alyssa
Jess and I liked to turn the music up (maybe a little too loud) and dance while we were working, and Alyssa and I enjoyed fake shouting sessions near the soda fountain.

And Stacio (Stacy)
Stacy hates hair, movie theaters and grasshoppers. But she loves it when I sing to her(Da-na-na na na na Whipish Whipish). She pretends to be hardcore but I know that she loves me.

And here is Stacy with our good friend Sarah Oooooooo (who is an honorary (and ex) snack bar girl):

And here we all are looking just like ourselves:

I pretty much worked with some amazing girls. We are all different and funny in our own ways. We had so much fun working together and learning how to work through things together. Even though we all had our cranky moments, we were always there for each other.


And now here is a poem about the Snack Bar: (ehem)
Frappachino's, Not cho cheese
Out of Change, more quarters please.
Twelve year old's that hit on Jess
Spilled the icee, what a mess.
"Come in here guys. You hear that tune?
That my friend, is the sweet bassoon."
Salted pretzel, small iced tea
A new boyfriend for dear Stacy.
Gummi worms a dollar flat
Slim jim with cheese? You don't want that!
Dr. Laura's evil schemes of feeding us
'till we burst from the spleen.
Choco Tacos, Chips Galore
"Stupid ho bags" "Norish whores"
Everyone loves Alyssa's bling
But they were all secretly jealous of my stylish sling.
Talks of poop and Chicago winds,
Summer '09 comes to an end.

Now it's like you were there!

I had the most amazing time at camp. I learned a lot about myself. I learned a lot about people. I learned that you don't really have to "drink" water, you just have to pour it in. I learned that genuine people can genuinely hurt you. I learned that no matter what color socks you take to camp be it red, blue, or argyle, you will take home brown, brown and brown argyle socks.
I learned that no matter how I'm feeling - good or miserable, I can bring it all to God and He will listen with a heart more open than I could ever imagine. I learned that God is bigger than I ever dreamed, but I didn't learn how big exactly. I learned that being a "momma bunny" is not a compliment. I learned people's darkest secrets and I learned that despite a hard shell, there usually a severely soft heart inside.
I've learned to embrace my uniqueness and I learned to allow myself to be held and carried by Him. Because I am not enough. I can not do it on my own.

I wish I could have packed you all in my suitcase and taken you with me. I wish you could have seen how beautiful it was. I wish you could have met all the people I met. I wish you could have laughed all the times that I laughed. . Because there were some pretty funny moments!
But the reality of it is...There's a 50 pound limit per suitcase and you only get 2 checked bags.. And I barely made the limit with just my things.

I'm going to leave you with a short story about this kid who came to the window at Timber (the kids camp) with his friend. I said "One of you smells good", to which he replied "Oh -it's me. You noticed... I put on my bod"... It was hilarious. And he made my day with that moment.

And on a more serious note, I conclude with a song:

In a bubble

Today someone came outside the A-frame camp building and announced that Michael Jackson had died. I don't know if this is true or not. Whether he is alive or dead is not really the subject matter, however it is what got me to thinking about it: I have no idea what is going on in the world around me.
I haven't heard or seen or read news in over 2 weeks. The most gossip I have is who likes who and what so-and-so didn't like about the last meal and what goes on in the personal lives of those who surround me in this little community of Sugar Pine.
I am not complaining. How can one complain when there isn't a window into the harshness the world has to offer? I can't. The only complain I have is the fact that I can't do anything about the world that continues to go outside the tree built wall I currently live in.
This week at Timber (the kids camp) was a group of kids brought in by the Kings County sheriffs Dept. The kids are low income, or come from bad homes.
I got to hanging out with the officers and this evening, one was talking with me about how there were some kids who had never smiled so much until this week and how he had to go put them back in the dump he got them from only a week ago. This was the best week of some of those kid's lives and now they have to return to the world. And I can't do a thing about it.
There are about 80 children. I can't save them. I can only be thankful that God is bigger than the world.

Dear Diary. . .

Do you ever find a person in your life and you're just not sure what to do with them? Maybe they are there because they have been for so long.Or maybe you don't feel it's proper to be giving people the 'ol boot in life. Or maybe they are there because there are times that you enjoy their company. But is that really a good enough reason to keep some one around?
It seems like the answer would be simple but when I take a closer look, I see the fine lined print. There's a point where all the other stuff starts to overtake it all. A point where "bad company corrupts good morals" really kicks in, and a point where the fun to be had can't be had at all because any room for laughter is filled with harbored resentment.
When I stop and look for a solution, I think to turn to God. Now, I think that's an excellent idea, however, I am feeling perhaps,like I don't know how to go about bringing this to Him. But why? Am I ashamed to have such negative feelings? Perhaps I am. I am not proud of these feelings I have. I am not proud of the way I act and the thoughts I have and the things I say. I am not proud to be carrying around this bitter taste in my mouth. It is gross and I would like it to be gone.
I would like to give it to God and I would like to be filled with love, not rage and joy, not bitterness.
I would like to know confidentally how to properly handle my trials and no longer feel this. . . disdain, this stained contentness and certainty.
I will give this to God. I will pray for the wisdom and the guidance. I will pray for the right attitude and a heart more like His. I will.

Chain Mail

I just finished reading Bren's blog and I am once again feeling inspired. Funny (not in a 'ha ha' kind of way) how that would be. Bren's blog was all about feeling inspired from Jake. And in turn, I am feeling inspired by Bren. Bren concluded her thoughts with words from Jake: "be you".
This could easily make a sarcastic person such as myself go: DUH! I'm not going to be Sally Jesse Raphael (whatever happened to her?) But I can't do that because when I hear about Bren's inspiration so beautifully written concluded with such an obvious statement, it makes me do a mental double-take. "Oh yeah! I just need to be me!"
It is so easy to walk numbly in this world. Even if you have a goal you're reaching for beneath all the muck, it is too easy to lose your passion on your way to getting there.
There have been a few times in the recent past where I have come across something or someone that has inspired me; that has reminded me of that little flame inside and reminded me that it's ok to let it burn aloud.
Yesterday I was noticing that my little flame seemed to have shrunken back some. I have an idea why and I know what I need to do but I wasn't having the motivation to get where I need to be going.
As it turns out it is such a simple solution: I just need to be me and not let the Duh!
Sometimes our little flames get put out by all the smog in the world and we need to come across another flame to light ours up again. Thank you Bren, soo much for being your optimistic, cheerful self and helping my little fire burn! And thanks to Jake (and Tom and Stewie - were those the right names??) for inspiring Bren who could in turn inspire me to do the things I long to do and help me feel refreshed and excited about them once again. Thank you!! :D

Vacation in Happiness (TN)

I am in the best place ever. I knew I loved the south but I forgot how much I loved it. It is amazing. I love the thunder storms, the humidity, the neighborly kindness, the fireflies, the normalcy of going to church. I love the the crickets, the warm rains, and of course,the food! I only get so many days here this trip and I want to re-experience all I can. I want to go to the creek (what northerners would call a lake, I suppose). I want to eat okra and bbq pork done the right way. Mmmm. And I want to sit on the porch in the warm air while the pitter-patter of rain surrounds me. The smell of rain and honeysuckle filling my nostrils. OH! I wish you could all experience it the way I do. I wish you could all feel the calm and complete contentness I feel when I'm here. It's wonderful. It's better than the perfect vacation I'd created in my mind. It is magnificent. And I am blessed to be here!

In my skin

This week so far has been spectacular. I can't say for sure what it is but it doesn't really matter. The sun has been shining and my insides hurt from laughing so much. I just don't think there's anything wrong with that!
I am also finding a peace with myself and I can’t tell you how good that feels! Sometimes it is easy to lose yourself or find yourself when you are surrounded by many different age groups, because with that, generally comes different stages of life and you find yourself trying to adapt yet maintain a balance. It’s tricky business and I don’t think I’m a huge fan. Fortunately I have met a couple of people my own age (which is WAY exciting) and they have unknowingly helped me to find a balance and peace. It is so nice and relaxing to find people I can relate to and who take me as I am. I don’t feel I have to do any adapting and it is so wonderful! They are such nice people and inspiring too! I am so excited about new found friendship(s) and can’t wait to get to know them better.
I am especially excited about this because as I said, they have helped me to find a peace and balance. I am finally feeling comfortable in my own skin again. I think it helps that I met these fine folk during the 80’s dance… so they know I have style! I feel really comfortable around them and in turn, comfortable with myself.
It is kind of sad that I am just now meeting these people – because the year is rounding off – but they are in my life now and I hope it stays that way!

Those Crazy College Kids

So now that I am finally adjusting and finding my groove, school is almost out. That’s right, this is the last month of school! That is so crazy to me! Where on earth has the time gone? I bet you’re wondering too! Or more, wondering what I have been doing. Let me try to update you as best I can. .
So I entered school in January. I knew right away that this time would be different; this time I would get involved. My involvement started by going on a fellowship retreat. Fellowships are like a club/sorority kind of thing (it’s hard to explain). I am in the Pandas and the brother fellowship is the Trojans. We all gathered together for a overnight trip to the beach where we would stay at a church. A highlight from that is when we played sardines and Rob hid in the rafters with all the insulation. Nice one Rob! Then a couple of girls and myself decided to block the boys upstairs. Such shinanagins! Here are a couple of pictures from the trip:



Next up was Winter Formal. Because I came in the middle of the year and no one really knows me, I didn’t expect to be asked to go with anyone. That would not stop me! A chance to get dressed up, heck yes! I’m in! So I went with a friend. It was A LOT of fun!! Seriously. We were all kind of mixing it up and doing silly things so I threw in my crazy-let your limbs fly as they will-dance that I like The Seizure and there was a small group of people that started doing it!! It was so amazing! I also danced with a guy who dipped me (Exciting!) and another fella who was just a very smooth dancer so he gets special mention for that. The night was also really fun because several times we all coordinated while dancing. It was really cool! Just like in the movies!! People (Cody!) always says that sruff never happens but it totally does! :D



The next “big event” was Spring Break. Woooo. Parrtaaaay! Just kidding..Here’s how I spent the first part:




Then I got to feeling a little better and hung out with my new friend Kyrsten:

After Spring Break I had “Roomies” to look forward to. Roomies is an event where you are to set up your roommate on a mystery date (assuming you live in the dorms). Then you and your date are tied together (at the legs) for an evening of games. Since I don’t have a roommate and wanted to go I had to ask around. If you didn’t already know, Corban has a ratio of 3 to 1.. Not in my favor. It was a challenge to find someone but fortunately, the day before I did. I asked Bart and he agreed. Next we had to pick a decade to dress up as. We picked the 70’s. (This is not far from Bart’s usual attire.) The evening was pretty fun. At the end, after we untied ourselves Bart and I kept looking for each other when we wanted to walk away because we weren’t used to being by ourselves anymore!! It was really funny! The part of the evening I DIDN’T like was the goldfish eating. No, no. You read right. Eating goldfish. Yes, live ones. I didn’t do it but Bart did. It took him awhile to get one and he kept instinctively spitting in the water. When he finally did get one he spit it out and then was told he had to actually eat it. “But look! I chewed it! See?”
“No, you have to swallow it!”
This is the time I almost untied myself and walked away. It was causing me great anxiety. I told him: “Just chew it and get it over with or let’s walk away and move on!” – I really couldn’t handle it anymore.. I couldn’t really handle it to begin with. So other than that – and Bart apparently not knowing how to bend his knees when he walks! – The evening was a good one:

That about wraps it up for now, but do stay tuned in for more (not that I know when I'll get around to it again!) My future plans include staying busy with an indapendent study course and in June heading off to CA to work a snack bar/gift shop at a Christian summer camp. I am very excited and will do my best to keep ya'll posted!

I have a dream. . .

Of updating everyone on everything that's going on in my life but I just can't do it right now. I can't. I've tried and I've tried but my head is full of. . .
I just can't think straight. I can't breathe. I can't sleep. I'm bored. And I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days now. I don't mean to put on a "whoa as me" performance here, but I want you all to know I have tried to let you know what is going on with me. What my plans are. I have plans. Dreams. Big ones! And I'd really like to share them with you. But right now I need to blow my nose, wash my hands. Maybe take a bath. Take a nap. Blow my nose..Definetely need to blow my nose.
I will up date soon. Really. I will.

Something Small

Yesterday I read an encouraging blog and today I came across this quote and I really like it. It encourages me to make sure I am not wasting what God has given me and that I am stretching myself to live life to God's fullest.

"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would
hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left,
and could say, "I used everything you gave me."
-Erma Louise Bombeck



(A special thanks goes to the poster of both encouraging readings).

Feeling Inspired

When I entered school I was going to church every Sunday. No, I was going TWICE every Sunday. I was really excited and knew that God had the reigns. But before I knew it, I was so caught up in school work and was neglecting the One that got me there in the first place. I read a blog about a woman who had so much to do but felt she too, was neglecting God in her daily walk so she decided to have time for God before she started her day and trust that He would help her accomplish all her tasks. She wrote that she was able to get MORE done doing this. . Connecting her story with my own life, I decided I needed to get back to putting God first. So I started a prayer journal. My plan was to write in this journal before school work, because it is when I am feeling so busy and overwhelmed that is it so easy to neglect God. But it is also when I am so busy and overwhelmed, that I need God the most! For some reason, I put Him on the back burner. So I have this prayer journal that I sometimes write in but more often neglect.
I have also noticed that I am dissapointed that I am not as active in church; granted I am between churches right now, when I go to a church I don't stay as long as I could and I have missed a couple of Sunday's. I am not a fan of this.
Not having put too much thought into all this, other than thinking I need to get better at it, I came across another blog and what was it about? Time with God and putting Him first. This blog reminded me how it's easy to get caught up in the petty things of life, and get distracted by the opposite sex (have I mentioned how many attractive boys there are at school?) I was reminded that if I'm going to let God take control, I need to give Him ALL the control. It is easy for me to want to step in and do what I want, but if my desires are to meet ultimate happiness, leaving it up to myself is the wrong game plan. I can not live for myself or others, but I must live for God.
Re-realizing this is soo refreshing to me. I am so glad I came across that blog and I am so glad that there are people in my life who believe what I believe, who want the same things, and who can support my walk as I support theirs - even if it's behind the scenes of life (in forms of blogs!)
I am going to make sure I make time with God everyday and find a church to get involved in. I really miss having a church to go to all the time so hopefully that will come about soon for me. Maybe I'll go talk it over with God! :)

Anniversary

One year ago today, was a Sunday. It was a Sunday that I decided to go back to church. I decided to go alone, and not with any friends. It was a Sunday that led to many happy moments. A Sunday that led to many painful moments. It was a Sunday that in my heart I made a decision. It was the Sunday I rededicated my life to Christ.
I don't have to tell any one who's been around, that 2008 was a trying and painful year for me. It was. Through it all, I held on to that one moment that matters the most. The moment I made my decision to follow Christ. Though I was actually saved when I was about 12, I have definetely made a road map out of my walk with the Lord. And I definetly took the wheel and left Him at a few pit stops while I ventured the next town on my own. God is so gracious and merciful that when I came back, He was there, and He was forgiving.
There are a few lessons I have learned this year, and a few verses I have kept close. The first verse is 2 Thessalonians 3:16 "Now the Lord of peace Himself give you peace always by all means. The Lord be with you all"
The second is Luke 1:37 "For with God, nothing shall be impossible" - This is so true. Though I have many things in my life that prove this, I sometimes still let my doubts and fears take over. This verse keeps me in check. I have to remember: God will not leave me. If He got me here, He will get me through. And that's the truth.
Another verse I have been looking at is 1 Corinthians 2:9 "But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear hear, neither hath entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love Him." - I know God has great great things planned for my future and I am so excited to see what they are! I know if I continue to follow Him, He can use me and do truly wonderful things with my life. I am pumped!
Last year was jam packed full of learning. This year I have continued on with my growth in the Lord and am learning what a "personal" relationship with Christ is. I realized I had kept mine "professional" - which seems so silly because He knows me inside and out and I shouldn't feel afraid to go to some one who has been so forgiving towards repentence. Since realizing how I was treating my relationship, and altering it to an open and honest one, I have grown closer to my Lord and have seen a real relationship form.
I still have struggles or course, as everyone always will, but now I am standing on the otherside of the line and I know that it will all be ok. When the odds aren't looking good. When optimism seems a joke, I know that it's undercontrol. And I am protected under His wing.
"Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is. For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when the heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit." Jeremiah 17:7-8

Double Tagged

Both Bren and Laura tagged me. SO I guess that makes me it... Again. So here we go:

Two names you go by:
Elsie
Lou
(and Burger)

Two things you are wearing right now:
Dress
Shirt

Two longest car rides:
Oregon to Tennessee
Tennessee to Oregon
(and the 4 hours lost in San Fran!)

Two of your favorite things to do:
Laugh
Play in water

Two things you want very badly at this moment:
My homework to be done accurately
Exciting weekend plans

Two animals you have or have had:
Zoey (dog)
Pez (satan)

Two People who will fill this out:
Rachel
Cody (BAM!)

Two things you ate today:
Left over mac & cheese
Brownie

Two people you last talked to:
Some guy named Jay (currently sitting next to me on my left)
Laura (via google chat)

Two things you're doing tomorrow:
Working my butt off in kickboxing
Finishing homework that's due Wednesday

Two favorite holidays:
Christmas
Thanksgiving

Two favorite beverages:
Water
Cola
(and juice)

Did you notice how this whole thing was in two's and I was tagged by TWO people.. Whoa ho ho!

kahledge

It's time you all know: I'm going back to college!!! I am soo excited about it! The thought of going back had lingered in my mind for some time but financial reasons held me back.
It must have been January 2nd I went to go talk with the school about the possibilty of my returning. Unfortunately they were closed that day - bummer. So I went home and got everything I would need. Referances, a check, ACT scores (just incase!)- I wanted to have everything and anything they might need. I went back the following Monday and BOOM BANG they were open! Sweeeet! They asked questions, I answered them and vise-versa. They said I would need something and BAM I whipped it out of my folder. I was ready! None of that waiting around stuff for me! They asked if I wanted to try for spring term and I said I would like to try. Want a secret? Spring term starts January 6th. WHOA! WHAT?! You bet you're belly lint! Soooo, I fill out a re-admit application and I am told they will look things over and will hear from them soon. Woo! Looking good.
I go home and wait. And probably mess around at the computer. And then.. BBB Baad BBB Baaad BBB Baad Bad to the bone (that was my ring tone at the time) "Hello?" Yes. . it was them. I am accepted! WOOO!! HOWEVER I did so bad last time I went (my one semester 5 years ago when I couldn't make up my mind, probably didn't have proper motivation and wasn't mature enough) that my GPA is a (are you ready for it) a whopping (deep breath) 1.7 so I am on academic probation meaning I can only take up to 13 credits. WHICH, is ok. It's a nice way to ease me back into the school scene.
SO YAY! I can go!! WHOOO.. NOW, to get those shifts covered the rest of the week!! I don't think I can be at school and work at the same time. Fortunately it's a low time at work and people are happy to take the hours.
You thinking "well what changed between now and the past? Did you when the lottery?" That's a good question. The answer is no. I did not win the lottery. Infact, after being accepted I ran into financial difficulty and was constantly told I should try Chemeketa or wait till next term, but I couldn't. My heart said now. And it said Corban. I had to get loans. No one likes loans but they like God. And God is bigger then X amount of loans. And I can't put a price on how happy I will be following God's will.
I got some money through the school and had to apply for loans for the rest. This is where a big problem hit. I applied and everytime I was told I needed a co-signer. A co signer is some one with good credit and a decent income. My credit is fine. .
Unfortunatly I am the only one I know with good credit. Apparently you can't have both. So I was shoved back to square one. It was hard to put 100% into classes not knowing if I would get to stay. I went and talked with Ellen in financial aid (I also used to go to church with her) and we talked and she said to try to go now because she saw how excited I was that first day and how God wants me there. We both got teary-eyed as we prayed for an answer. After the prayer I got up to get a tissue (my nose was REALLY runny!!) and as I turn around, Nathan (the head of financial aid) came in and said he had quick results from a search for trying to find me aid. We JUST finished praying. - Just something to think about. I was relieved and the more I think about it, the more I realize how great God is. I got the remainder of my money through a grant by declaring my major: Education (teach grant)so in less than 24 hours, my problems were solved and I am officially in!
YAY!!!!!! WOOOO!!! PARRR-TAAAY!! - Just kidding, there's no time for that!
I am really enjoying school! I am loving it even! I am soooo glad to be back. Even though it can be a little overwhelming and stressful I am enjoying the challenge.
I'm sure there will be several trials I face on this journey but I am going to work past them. turn towards God and not give up. I believe God has amazing things planned for my life and I am so excited to see what they are.

You can see where the treasure is on a map, but you can only get to it by following it. I want to follow Gods map.

(I'd like to have a special THANKS shout out to Stephanie, Chris, Cali, Katie, Tara, Laura, Brenda, Bryndle,Cody, and Raeanna, for covering shifts for me, helping me homework, and/or supporting me in going back to school. And a THANKS to Nathan (even though he won't read this) for doing all he can to make it possible for me to attend this term. THANKS to Ellen for her support, prayers, rides home, and general assistance in my going back to school. THANKS to Cathy (student life) for being someone I can talk with. THANKS to Esther, Rachel, and Jason for supporting me in going back to school despite my poor history of school commitment! THANKS to Daniel for going over paper work. THANKS to my Mommy for going over paper work and taking me to school and handing me my morning Boost! And THANKS to God for this opportunity!) (sorry if I forgot anyone or anything!)

1 Corinthians 2:9

But as it is written, EYE HATH NOT SEEN, NOR EAR HEARD, NEITHER HAVE ENTERED INTO THE HEART OF MAN, THE THINGS WHICH GOD HATH PREPARED FOR THEM THAT LOVE HIM.