The night of September 29th

I was walking in the snow.
It was very cold out. Very brisk. I was some where in the mountains. Only a cabin was there. Civilization was miles away. It would take at least a day or more to get home.
I had stayed at the cabin. I was with a family I used to spend time with. Something happened. I'm not quite sure what. Perhaps some sort of quarrel. Whatever had happened, had put an end to the stay at the cabin and they drove off down the snowy road in some brownish gold vehicle, my memory recalls to be a stationwagon. It could have been a honda. Whatever it was, it was driving away.
I was was alone with nature. I remember the trees off the side of the road. The air was so cold, the fear of freezing to death entered my mind. How would I get back? I concluded that, if they had to, my parents would be willing to drive the day (day and a half) to come get me. But I hadn't given up yet.
I raced up to the cabin. I might recall begging for something. What was I begging for? Time? I needed to hurry. If I was quick enough I could make some cuts through paths and maybe meet up with the traveling car. Maybe I could get a ride. Would they let me in?
I remember being scared. I remember being scared, and cold. And uncertain.

And then, next to the trees, I was eating something. I was slurping it in.
I suddenly woke, finding my face on the damp pillow, sucking in drool.

Must.. Cover.. Face.

Man oh man oh man.. OH MAN!
I can't even begin to tell you. . .Let me try:
It started with mom making an appointment for Zoey to go to the vet. The time has come for her to get the ol' snip 'n' sew procedure. I was told that Thursday after 5, she can't have anything to eat. Ok.. Wait, what about chew bones?
Mom calls the vet and says they want nothing in her stomach. Only water. Oh great. Nothing to distract her.. - For those of you who haven't had the honor of meeting Zoey.. just think of something cute, and little.. and innocent looking, getting into a cookie jar of crack. She needs distraction.
Back to the story: So she's not to eat after Five.
Five o'clock rolls around and Zoey just started eating.. So I let her have a little more.. 5:07.. No more food. I know she's still hungry and I feel bad for her, so I give her crushed ice for her to chew on. It seemed to work really well. She even held it in her paws like she would a bone. I thought this was cute..
Anyhow, she eventually got bored of the ice trick and spent the next couple hours plopped on the floor looking extremely bored and like she might actually die of boredom. (She's very dramatic.)
I'd say it was about 8 or 8:20 when I noticed things seemed to be calm. Too calm. An eerie kind of calm. I immediately went to look for the dog.
Ah! There she is. On Moms bed. Chewing on.. Chewing on.. What is she chewing on? OH!! GROSS!!! ZOEY!!! NO! Bad dog!!!
Zoey found her way into my parents bathroom trash can. And for those of you who don't have dogs, or may not know this, they're partial to femine supply. Mmm mmm good! So much for her not having anything in her stomach 'eh?!
As far as I know, she snuck no other "treats" into her evening, and the next morning mom took her to the vet. With Zoey being gone it was a quiet night at home. It would have been quiet morning too, but the cat got back into his routine of following me around, brushing up against my leg, and just generally bugging the crap out of me. Example: I walk into the family room to use to computer (cat at ankle side, of course). I see my brother stayed the night and is on the couch sleeping. I try to be quiet. Pez (the cat) doesn't show the same respect. I hear "Meow. . . Meow. . Meow" Pez! Ssh! Be quiet. "Meow . . Meow" PEZ!! WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP! ( He obviously didn't hear me the first time) "MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW" Are you kidding me?! I walk away.. and eventually go to work.
When I return home, I have my puppy back. I start talking to her - as most people do but are ashamed to admit - I tell her I'm sorry we had to put her in pain but it's for the best. We didn't want her to meet some male puppy who would get her pregnant and then just up and leave her, never to hear from him again. She half listens and then wanders off to get attention from some one who hasn't pet her in the last 2 minuets.
I'm glad to have Zoey home and she seems to be doing well. She's a little sore but still wants to play, and know what everyone is up to. Especially if they are heading for the kitchen.
And that is where it all started. .
I walked into the kitchen to grab me some chicken tenders (not quite nuggets) and while I do so, I continue my routine of inhale, exhale. This is probably where I went wrong. As I put a tender on my plate, I simultaneously inhale.. OH!! WHOA what is that?. I instantly look at the dog. Then I look around for feces.. Nothing. Just gas. But.. WHOA. I walk away and go back to the movie my we started. About 15 minuets later my mom speaks: "Ok.. who farted?!" I don't smell it yet, but ask if it reeks and smells like dog poop. Daniel is at this point walking away. I thought it was him, until my mom replied yes to my question so we all know it was Zoey.
It was pretty bad but the smell eventually, sort of died down. For about 15 minuets.. Then she let another one go. WHEW!! ZOEY!! Seriously.. These are nauseating!
She then sits on my lap. Gets up. And angles herself so her rear is in my face, leaving me with the remaining aroma of her last gift to the family. I want to vomit.
She then hops over to my mom and delights her with the same experience. The smell is soo bad. I can't even explain it. We concluded it was the surgery, but that does not in any way make the smell better.
I throw a pillow over her bottom trying to suffocate the smell but mom takes it away saying something about contaminating it. I understand. If left too long, Zoey might actually manage to burn a hole it in. It's THAT bad.
The movie ends and we discuss who Zoey said she wanted to sleep with tonight. I'm her mother and I know what she wants. And she told me she wants to sleep with my parents. On Daniels side of the bed. She might change her mind. Who knows. All I know is that everyone, dog included, are off in another room. I am here by myself. No fresh farts around, yet I am still haunted by those silent puffs of love.

Short Stories

I frequently hear the question: "What's new?"
I don't know what to do with this question. The immediate answer that comes to my mind is "Uhh.. Everything!" I mean, I'm not suddenly married off, with child, or making a big career move, but I seriously feel like everyday I am a little bit different.I've decided this time in life is entitled: Short Stories, as there isn't one big event, but rather, many little changes going into this new person I'm becoming.
Everyday I evaluate the details that are the make-up of my being. I think about how I could better myself. How I could have handled a situation differently. I think about if the things in my life are going to help me to the path I should be on.
Through the chapters of these short stories, I'm finding this amazing inner strength. I'm finding myself able to move on from the past. I find I am able to forgive.
I feel I am in a constant "wash cycle" so to speak. It's kind of refreshing!
I know soon I will be figuring out how my "quirkiness" fits into all this growing up. Maybe it's a perfect little garnish and I just don't see that yet. This is something I will probably struggle with as it is something I've struggled with in the past. But I know I will figure it out.
I am very proud of myself for all I have accomplished and who I am becoming.
I am grateful for friendships I have recognized to be true. Thank you for taking me for my good times and making them gooder (yes, I said gooder!) and for taking me for my bad times and seeing me through them. I'm sure there are more of both to come - but hopefully more good!
I continue to be excited to see where life takes me. When it takes me across you, and you want to ask "what's new?". . . You know the answer!

Look out Top Model! It's "Mommy and Me!"

So the name isn't really catching. . And I totally don't qualify for either. I don't have children so that takes me out of the "mommy and me" and I'm not 5'7 so I can't be a top model.. Oh well.. I'll get to the point..
On September 16th I went into work. Just a normal work day right? WRONG. I had forgotten that we had rescheduled our "Mommy and me" to that day (a day for moms and their little ones to get a little make-over, and do a photo shoot. Oh yeah, there's a craft too!) . When I got to work, Laura's mom was there setting up her little jewelery station. Soon after, a Mary Kay gal came in and then Vera (who works upstairs at master cuts) came down to donate some time and skillz.
Andrea was the designated photographer and I got put in charge of crafts. SWEEEET! I love crafts! We made foam photo frames (expect high quality Christmas gifts!)
As the day was winding down, Laura said I should get my make-up done. I agreed, but immediately had to put that on hold as there was girl who will remain nameless for this story (as her attitude was NOT very pleasant) who demanded lunch that very instant. So I went to go get her some lunch and calm her temporary crabby attitude. So when I got back to the work place Laura said asked if I wanted to get my hair done. I said "Ok.." So Vera organized my curls and laminated them with hairspray (ok, that makes it sound like it was heavy - but it wasn't. I was very impressed actually).
After the Vera station I moved on to the Mary Kay lady.. I sat and we talked about my fab complexion (rosacea), had a tiff with the blue eye shadow, then a doozy with the lip liner (I'm sure I gave a look indicating I did not think lip liner was a good idea.. People with a clef lip scar should be very cautious of such things). . The lip liner got removed immediately after application.
After I was uber glamed up, I put on a dress that I happened to have with me. Laura suggested I go find some shoes.. Unfortunately the only ones I found, though super cute, were 70 dollars. I don't have 70 dollars for shoes.
They were borrowed.. And then returned..
That may be wrong. But perhaps so is charging 70 dollars for shoes..

Any how, here is the outcome of my "Mommy and Me" day experience:







YAY! Wasn't that fun?! It's almost like you were there!
I was not expecting the "Mommy and Me" day when I walked into work that day. We had never done anything like that before but it was a lot of fun! I needed a day like that! :)

Locked in! :)

Let's not beat around the house plants here and get to the point:
I'm rededicating my life to Christ.
I suppose this is something that I've already done, having gotten off "the wrong path" and reconnected with God; but the other night while I was in the shower, I was thinking (some of my best thinking is done in the bathroom) and I know it this is something I want to be serious about. I want to live my life for Christ. I want to do it right. I want to live the way God made me to live. I'm not saying I haven't been striving for that before. I'm saying that I'm fo reals, fo serious about the changes in my life and how I will do things differently in my future then I've done them in the past.
This thinking led me to make a decision I've been sitting on for awhile - becoming a member of the church.
I had talked with the Pastor about it once before and mentioned it again yesterday after service. He said that anytime there's an invite (which is at the closing prayer) then I can go on up. When I went back for evening service I told him that I'd decided I want to become a member. So at closing prayer, Pastors wife came to collect me (I had asked that she walk with me, as I was given the option). We had a little prayer and at the end, Pastor announced my joining and welcomed me to the church!
I'm really excited about it! I've never been a member of a church before. I'm excited because I now have to option to work with the younger kids - I can get more involved. I am excited because I think it will help keep my actions and attitude in check. Being a Christian and representing God should be enough for that, but now I've got that extra bit to nudge me if I feel myself going astray. I've got an official 'church family'. I counted them before but now it's O-fficial! :D Yay!

On a closing note, I just want to say how awesome Laura is. She's pretty amazing. I know this isn't on the topic of my life changes - but in a way it is, because she has been so accommodating with all that's going on in my life. And I greatly appreciate it. Thank you Laura!! :)

A very there update: An enlightening Monday

This update is a little delayed but I didn't really think I needed to write about it. As it turns out, the more I think about it, the more excited I feel so I just want to share with everyone:

First off: In a way, I'm hoping word has gotten around that things just didn't work out with Derek. I didn't end up going to Canada and we are pretty much barely speaking. And to clarify: Yes I was hurt. I am still confused, but I am not mad at him. We are all human. No one can say they have never been rude, or overreacted or lashed out.
If you missed the gossip, there it is.

Now that that's out of the way...

You should all know by now, I feel like this years theme for my life is growth and change.
The year started out by getting back into church, immediately meeting a boy, meeting a bunch of people I don't know, all the while trying to get reconnected with God, clean up the past and change old habits. With all this going on, I kept feeling like I needed to get more involved. - That was as much as I knew about that. Just that I wanted too..
Anyway, I felt like there was a lot going on and I was overwhelmed.
Then, out of no where (for most of us) all that boy stuff fell apart -and as you should all know, I was REALLY into him. He took up a lot of my time and certainly a lot of my thoughts. I was devastated. It was then brought up that I wouldn't be going to Canada.
I spent about.. oh say, a good amount of time and then some, feeling really down. I was really looking forward to going (and of course, crushed that things had fallen apart as quick as they'd come.)
Since I had taken the week off long in advance (and figured it will be the last of a good chunk of time off, as the holidays are practically here!) I decided to stick with the plan, and not work that week.
Though I wasn't fishing, and had no chance of seeing a real bear in real life, the week turned out to be pretty good. I reconnected with my best friend, watched the birth of my "nephew" (Meg's new son, Aiden!) and did some really good thinking and self reflecting. I'm a little embarrassed to say that, part of my insight came from day time tv. (I just can't afford the real therapists ok!!) but what really got me was an exercise that was supposed to be done in Sunday school the week before. -
That Sunday we were all handed a sheet of paper and told to write a letter to God. We were told that it's ok to be honest with God. Be honest with your feelings. If you feel confused, tell Him. Ask for guidance
- Side note: it was also mentioned how sometimes you are right in the middle of Gods plan, even though you may not feel like it. You may feel like you've done something terribly wrong and messed it all up, but really, you could be right where God wants you. I'm pretty sure that lesson was written for me.
Anyway, so we were given paper and I just tucked mine away in the filing cabinet that is my Bible.
Last Monday, I wrote my letter.
I'll have to say it was the most amazing thing in awhile. It really opened my eyes and shined a light on things in life. I came to realize that I need to rearrange my life's priorities. I need to make sure that I'm making God my number one priority. Letting Him lead me in life, rather then I lead, get lost, and ask for guidance then. I also realized I do need to get more involved. I need to get involved in my own life. I realized how easy it is to feel sorry for yourself, and let life go by. Those are two separate things, I just happened to have been caught doing both. If I put my focus on God and let him be in control, I will have a lot more clarity, less confusion, and a much better outcome.
Though I still have hard days (as everyone does) I am so excited as I can see how God is working in my life, and really opening me up. I feel so blessed with the opportunities I am handed and hope to do the best I can with them. Though it won't always easy, I look forward to continuing my growth and certainly my walk with the Lord! :)

Philippians 4:13
Jeremiah 17:7-8

OH! OH! OH!!!

Guess what time it is!! Guess, guess!!!!! That's riiiiiiiiiiiiight!! It's get ready and excited for Christmas time time!!!! I am soooooooooooo pumped. There's a small chance I should feel a little down that I didn't really do anything too exciting with my summer. I barely went to the beach - and as most of you know.. my big trip didn't work out. That is a bummer.. And now summer is wrapping up and it's too late. BUT, you know what comes after summer?! CHRISTMAS!!!!!
I am so excited I can't begin to tell you!
First it will start off with Halloween and I get to see all those cute kids in their cute costumes. (Halloween also means "lady appointment time though.. The not so exciting part! "Just relax." Yeah. I'll just kick back and enjoy an umbrella drink while you shove that thing way up in me and poke me with a couple sticks.. "Relax" Pff.. Anyway)
After Halloween is time to eat yummy food. I'll already be in Christmas shopping mode (as I already am) and people will slowly be trickling into the holiday cheer attitude. You know, the one that really only sticks around for about a month and half. But it's there none the less and I love how everyone (most people) suddenly kick up a little more respect for other people. It makes the world a brighter place.
Or is the all the lights? I love the lights. I love the colors. I love to make Christmas chains and I want to bake cookies (I tried last year but it didn't really work out. This year's the year!) I love Christmas music. I love the carolers. I love children in Christmas plays (again, something that didn't quite work out last year. This year I hope to make it to the play.) I love the smell of Christmas trees and the smell of chai.
I love the giving and the love that people let out of themselves this one time a year. It's a shame we seem to lock it all back up once January hits.
You may notice signs around Christmas time that read: "Jesus is the reason for the season".
This is true. And I'm pretty sure Jesus didn't turn his calendar to January and quit loving others with as much enthusiasm.

OH! I am sooo excited! Lights, and cookies, and chains, and trees and the Christmas movies and love for one another in the air!!! This time of year really goes after all of my senses. I just love it!
Man, am I pumped!
I wonder if it's too early to wear a hat at work....