Must.. Cover.. Face.

Man oh man oh man.. OH MAN!
I can't even begin to tell you. . .Let me try:
It started with mom making an appointment for Zoey to go to the vet. The time has come for her to get the ol' snip 'n' sew procedure. I was told that Thursday after 5, she can't have anything to eat. Ok.. Wait, what about chew bones?
Mom calls the vet and says they want nothing in her stomach. Only water. Oh great. Nothing to distract her.. - For those of you who haven't had the honor of meeting Zoey.. just think of something cute, and little.. and innocent looking, getting into a cookie jar of crack. She needs distraction.
Back to the story: So she's not to eat after Five.
Five o'clock rolls around and Zoey just started eating.. So I let her have a little more.. 5:07.. No more food. I know she's still hungry and I feel bad for her, so I give her crushed ice for her to chew on. It seemed to work really well. She even held it in her paws like she would a bone. I thought this was cute..
Anyhow, she eventually got bored of the ice trick and spent the next couple hours plopped on the floor looking extremely bored and like she might actually die of boredom. (She's very dramatic.)
I'd say it was about 8 or 8:20 when I noticed things seemed to be calm. Too calm. An eerie kind of calm. I immediately went to look for the dog.
Ah! There she is. On Moms bed. Chewing on.. Chewing on.. What is she chewing on? OH!! GROSS!!! ZOEY!!! NO! Bad dog!!!
Zoey found her way into my parents bathroom trash can. And for those of you who don't have dogs, or may not know this, they're partial to femine supply. Mmm mmm good! So much for her not having anything in her stomach 'eh?!
As far as I know, she snuck no other "treats" into her evening, and the next morning mom took her to the vet. With Zoey being gone it was a quiet night at home. It would have been quiet morning too, but the cat got back into his routine of following me around, brushing up against my leg, and just generally bugging the crap out of me. Example: I walk into the family room to use to computer (cat at ankle side, of course). I see my brother stayed the night and is on the couch sleeping. I try to be quiet. Pez (the cat) doesn't show the same respect. I hear "Meow. . . Meow. . Meow" Pez! Ssh! Be quiet. "Meow . . Meow" PEZ!! WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP! ( He obviously didn't hear me the first time) "MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW" Are you kidding me?! I walk away.. and eventually go to work.
When I return home, I have my puppy back. I start talking to her - as most people do but are ashamed to admit - I tell her I'm sorry we had to put her in pain but it's for the best. We didn't want her to meet some male puppy who would get her pregnant and then just up and leave her, never to hear from him again. She half listens and then wanders off to get attention from some one who hasn't pet her in the last 2 minuets.
I'm glad to have Zoey home and she seems to be doing well. She's a little sore but still wants to play, and know what everyone is up to. Especially if they are heading for the kitchen.
And that is where it all started. .
I walked into the kitchen to grab me some chicken tenders (not quite nuggets) and while I do so, I continue my routine of inhale, exhale. This is probably where I went wrong. As I put a tender on my plate, I simultaneously inhale.. OH!! WHOA what is that?. I instantly look at the dog. Then I look around for feces.. Nothing. Just gas. But.. WHOA. I walk away and go back to the movie my we started. About 15 minuets later my mom speaks: "Ok.. who farted?!" I don't smell it yet, but ask if it reeks and smells like dog poop. Daniel is at this point walking away. I thought it was him, until my mom replied yes to my question so we all know it was Zoey.
It was pretty bad but the smell eventually, sort of died down. For about 15 minuets.. Then she let another one go. WHEW!! ZOEY!! Seriously.. These are nauseating!
She then sits on my lap. Gets up. And angles herself so her rear is in my face, leaving me with the remaining aroma of her last gift to the family. I want to vomit.
She then hops over to my mom and delights her with the same experience. The smell is soo bad. I can't even explain it. We concluded it was the surgery, but that does not in any way make the smell better.
I throw a pillow over her bottom trying to suffocate the smell but mom takes it away saying something about contaminating it. I understand. If left too long, Zoey might actually manage to burn a hole it in. It's THAT bad.
The movie ends and we discuss who Zoey said she wanted to sleep with tonight. I'm her mother and I know what she wants. And she told me she wants to sleep with my parents. On Daniels side of the bed. She might change her mind. Who knows. All I know is that everyone, dog included, are off in another room. I am here by myself. No fresh farts around, yet I am still haunted by those silent puffs of love.