If you love it...

Last year I did something I really absolutely didn't want to do. I took a speech class. I hate public speaking. I hate having peoples attention on me. It weirds me out. But I didn't make my schedule so I had to take it.
The first speech I gave was about poop. I introduced a book entitled "Everybody Poops" because everybody does poop. Every one poops because everyone eats. Everyone eats because everyone grows. Everyone who grows also must live. To live, one must eat and as we just briefly covered - if you eat, you poop. And everyone poops... And once again leads to growth.
Aside from physical growth, there is also spiritual growth and personal growth. This kind of growth does not require soul food but rather food for the soul. It requires life experience. And while some people are perfectly content in the walls of life that contain them, this little bird isn't.
About 6 months ago I realized that it's time to get away. I began then to prepare for whatever my future may hold. I wasn't certain what that would be but I knew that it meant packing up my nest and unbinding my wings. I knew that the time had come to show my real wing span and fly south to start anew.
As well prepared flights often experience turbulence, I suspect I will as well. But I will continue on. I was very recently reminded to keep my faith and reliance in God and all will be well. Because when my wings get tired, I know that I will still be able to carry on.
There are a lot of birds left in the tree - mama birds, sister birds, brother birds, and friendly neighbor birds that sit huddled together waiting to see if I will fly or fall. Perhaps some of the anxious to see me go, some of the excited or nervous or scared. Some of them may not want me to go at all. But this little birds wings are cramped and sore. They need to spread and do what they were meant to do. They need to fly.
So to all the other birds out there - sitting in the nest, holding your breath out of anticipation, know that I will be ok. No matter what happens, I will be ok.
It is time that I say goodbye to all my loved ones. My little tree. My familiarity. It is time I pack up my nest and go. And as hard as it may be.
But as they say: If you love it...

(but it will come back again)

Elsie's Thanksgiving Day Parade

Pretty much, my Thanksgiving was amazing. There's not really any other way to put it. I don't mean to bring any one down or make anyone jealous. I just speaketh the truth. Let me tell you all about it:

My Thanksgiving break started on that Tuesday. I believe it was the 23rd. I had class that day. I didn't exactly pay my greatest attention. In my last class I may have been involved in a game of hangman. Allegedly. After that I rushed out the door to head to my moms office to meet her so she could take me to the train station. WOO!!! SO excited! This is what the train looks like when it's not there:


The train eventually came and left - with me on it! I spent the next 15 hours waiting to arrive in Sacramento. Fortunately the girl I sat next too was friendly. And the conductors were rather quirky too. They played on their speakers and was sure to give us updates on the big game. This usually happen as the girl next to me was on the phone with her husband. SHe was a good sport about it and we laughed. Ha ha ha.. (Like that).
When I got to Sacramento, Missy (who paid for the whole trip! THANK YOU!)and Auntie (her aunt) picked me. We then went to Aunties house where I felt like I slept for an hour at least. Apparently it was a whole 15 minuets. Either way, it felt great.
After my nap we headed to Clovis where Missy lives. The drive there was interesting. Auntie and Missy are fun people to be around. And holiday traffic is a blast!

Once we were in Clovis, I became anxious. I had big plans to surprise a friend I had been talking with on the phone (a friend of a friend who I had yet to meet - though we had a date planned for the upcoming Friday). I wasn't sure how it was going to go. How do you approach some one you've never met but talked with so much? I didn't know either.. But I was going to find out. This fella was in class so I sent him this picture message to let him know he had a surprise:

This means: SURPRISE!! I'm at your school! - Apparently his first thought was "Oh.. My car's a mess" Men. Such deep thinkers!
Anyway, so Missy insisted on going in with me to make sure we were at the right part of the school. We walked in and saw a classroom - students and all. We figured this was it. I felt nervous 'cause the professor could see out the window of the door and I didn't want him to think anything fishy was going on - though he'd have good reason to.
I was kinda wrapped up in this thought and out of no where Missy darts down the hall! I had no idea what she was doing! I just knew she ran so I must run too! So I ran down the other hall!I of course figured the prof. was out to see what in the haystacks was going on.. After a minuet or so, I peered around the corner where Missy was pointing and mouthing: He's in the bathroom!
WHAT?!
We then met up and she informed me that the guy I was waiting for was in the restroom. AH! We didn't know if he'd been witness to our shenanigans but I did know that it was time for Missy to leave. I didn't want to insult her but I hadn't even met the guy and I felt it would be double awkward to have to introduce my friend as well as myself. So Missy left - and then texted to make sure all was ok. I love her!
All was ok. He came out of the bathroom and I was all ready to stand there awkwardly but he hugged me. Good move! It was a shirt hang out session as he had things to do, what with not having expected me to show up and all. So he dropped me off at Missy's where I plopped into bed and got a good nights rest.
Here's what a sexy lady looks like after a good nights rest:

Oooh. Shexshay. And ready for the holiday. Thanksgiving had arrived!To celebrate, we went to Missy's grandparents house where they firmly believe in the 'you kill it, we grill it' motto:

Just kidding.
While I was waiting for the big feast to be ready, I got to enjoy some California sunshine!

(and the picture I send via picture message that apparently made everyone in Oregon mad at me):

It was worth it! How could you not want to be here! SO beautiful!I had SUCH a good time! But there was still more to do!
After the meal and soaking up the sun, it was time to head back to town. Missy had to doggy sit. So we hit the store and loaded up on girlie magazines, ice cream, candy and girlie movies! IT WAS A BLAST!!! I don't really have girlie friends like Missy back home and I'd really been craving some girl time. It was MUCH needed and I can't thank her enough for all she did for me and the great time I had with her. What a huge blessing having her in my life!
After a night of ice cream and more shenanigans we got up early to hit the stores - mainly target. The lines were long and I was pretty sure my stomach was going to explode from hunger but other than that, it wasn't so bad. I purchased a book that kept us entertained and very informed for my upcoming date. This book is called: Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.
Thank you, Steve Harvey for all your great input and advice! I highly recommend this book! It's funny AND informative.
So after gaining much knowledge on how to think like a man and act like a lady (I'm not sure which part I need more help with!)I got ready for my date. WEEE!
It started off about 20 minuets late. But that's ok. Because he called. POINTS.
We then went to get coffee. I had him pick my beverage. I don't remember what it was but I do remember it was good. I could go for another one..
We then went to go see Fantastic Mr. Fox. I liked it and I believe he did too. Good pick.
After the movie we had plans to go to a park but it turned out that I accidentally packed Oregon weather and it started to rain. We skipped ahead in our plans and headed to his house to watch Elf and drink cocoa. But first, we had to get pizza and cookies. Why? Because early I had mentioned wanting pizza and cookies. And he was a very good sport. So off we went:

While we waited for the pizza, I saw this outside:

Isn't it beautiful? It was actually a double rainbow but the other one got camera shy.
After we got the pizza we headed towards his house to continue the date - which went pretty well. However, we concluded that it wasn't going to work out. There were a number of reasons: His stage in life. My stage in life. Recognition that those aren't components equivalent to a relationship (thanks Mr. H.!). But it was still a good time. After the movie and some chit chat he drove me back to Missy's where I once again, plopped down for a good nights rest.
The next morning was the beginning of the dreaded day: Saturday. The day I had to leave the magical land of California.
We spent most of the day being lazy. Which was fantastic. We stayed in jammies and watched some make-over show. Then realized it would in fact work out for me to go see my favorite family of 13: The Samualsons! So we scurried along to get ready to go.
I was so excited I was going to be able to see them! I missed them all so much! I called them on the way there (to make sure they were home) and then "had to go".. I wanted to keep it a surprise. When we got there I just walked right on it and got a huge hug sandwich! It was amazing! I couldn't stay long as I had a flight to catch but it was SOO good to see them. And there were only 2 that weren't there. 11 out of 13 isn't bad for a surprise visit.
It wasn't long (not long enough) into the visit that Missy informed me it was time to go. So we said our goodbyes and headed towards the airport.
I was so so so so so sad to leave. But I had an AMAZING time. I love being there. I love the people I get to see. I love the feeling of welcome-ness. Thank you SOO much, Missy for all that you've done and do for me! I love you!

Camp Anawana (Sugar Pine)..

Some people believe that the best way to learn to swim is to be thrown into a body of water and let your body react naturally and it will all work itself out. I believe if a person doesn't know how to swim and they are thrown into a body of water, they will flail about for a minuet or two and chances are they will drown. My point is, I don't know where to being on telling you about my summer, so I'm just going to jump in:

This summer I had my very first camp experience, I was away from home longer than I ever had been before, I didn't know any one at camp when I left home and I had the most amazing time ever!

I didn't have any expectations when I arrived at camp and therefore didn't have any room to be let down. When I first got there I was informed that 1)Don't go off first impressions and 2)Just because it's a Christian environment, I should still be careful.
I am grateful for both these pieces of advice, but mainly the 2nd as I have a tendency to be a little naive when it comes to who to trust.
There were parts of the summer that were great fun such as getting to meet all the new people, making friends, enjoying new company, swimming, team building, my first In N Out experience, fake arguments in the work place, chapel, finally going running, etc. But there were also some really heavy times such as a death in a co-workers family. Or the death of a camper. And then calling home to find out all these people in friend's lives have also passed away. This was a very trying time in my summer and for about a week or 2 I had a really hard time talking with God. I was mad at Him and when you're mad at someone, you just don't want to talk with them. Finally I opened up and spoke honestly to Him and it all worked out. I still don't know the reason behind it all and I probably never will but my faith is still in tacked and that's the most important.
At the beginning of the summer I met a guy named Gifford. I quickly realized that in my spare time I was in search of his company and about the second week into it a liking for one another was discussed. In the end, nothing much came of the matter between Giff and I but I did spend a lot of the summer getting to know his family. I became the "local exchange sibling" - according to his brother, Evan. Being the emotional creature God created me to be, I of course have come to love this family. There are 13 of them in all and they are all amazing in their own way.


This is Claire. We learned how to grill burgers together. Despite the massive flames, the burgers were quite tasty!
"
This is Evan. To be completely honest, I didn't really care for him at the beginning.But it turns out he is a pretty cool guy and I really view him as a brother. (He picked on me a lot!)

This is Natalie and Cami. They are really sweet and love to sing. They learned to play the recorder this summer.

This is Winston. Winston could be very gentlemanly for a 5 year old. He is very sweet but is addicted to video games. He loves "Persia Persia" (Prince of Persia) And SkippyJon Jones. He's got part of it memorized!

And this is Liam. Liam provided me with nonstop entertainment. Some of it came from being so cute, and some of it came from his lack of being able to make it to the toilet at the appropriate time.

Here I am with Natalie, Winston and Claire.
Unfortunately I don't have pictures of the rest of the family so we'll move on to my work environment...
Here we have Jess and Alyssa
Jess and I liked to turn the music up (maybe a little too loud) and dance while we were working, and Alyssa and I enjoyed fake shouting sessions near the soda fountain.

And Stacio (Stacy)
Stacy hates hair, movie theaters and grasshoppers. But she loves it when I sing to her(Da-na-na na na na Whipish Whipish). She pretends to be hardcore but I know that she loves me.

And here is Stacy with our good friend Sarah Oooooooo (who is an honorary (and ex) snack bar girl):

And here we all are looking just like ourselves:

I pretty much worked with some amazing girls. We are all different and funny in our own ways. We had so much fun working together and learning how to work through things together. Even though we all had our cranky moments, we were always there for each other.


And now here is a poem about the Snack Bar: (ehem)
Frappachino's, Not cho cheese
Out of Change, more quarters please.
Twelve year old's that hit on Jess
Spilled the icee, what a mess.
"Come in here guys. You hear that tune?
That my friend, is the sweet bassoon."
Salted pretzel, small iced tea
A new boyfriend for dear Stacy.
Gummi worms a dollar flat
Slim jim with cheese? You don't want that!
Dr. Laura's evil schemes of feeding us
'till we burst from the spleen.
Choco Tacos, Chips Galore
"Stupid ho bags" "Norish whores"
Everyone loves Alyssa's bling
But they were all secretly jealous of my stylish sling.
Talks of poop and Chicago winds,
Summer '09 comes to an end.

Now it's like you were there!

I had the most amazing time at camp. I learned a lot about myself. I learned a lot about people. I learned that you don't really have to "drink" water, you just have to pour it in. I learned that genuine people can genuinely hurt you. I learned that no matter what color socks you take to camp be it red, blue, or argyle, you will take home brown, brown and brown argyle socks.
I learned that no matter how I'm feeling - good or miserable, I can bring it all to God and He will listen with a heart more open than I could ever imagine. I learned that God is bigger than I ever dreamed, but I didn't learn how big exactly. I learned that being a "momma bunny" is not a compliment. I learned people's darkest secrets and I learned that despite a hard shell, there usually a severely soft heart inside.
I've learned to embrace my uniqueness and I learned to allow myself to be held and carried by Him. Because I am not enough. I can not do it on my own.

I wish I could have packed you all in my suitcase and taken you with me. I wish you could have seen how beautiful it was. I wish you could have met all the people I met. I wish you could have laughed all the times that I laughed. . Because there were some pretty funny moments!
But the reality of it is...There's a 50 pound limit per suitcase and you only get 2 checked bags.. And I barely made the limit with just my things.

I'm going to leave you with a short story about this kid who came to the window at Timber (the kids camp) with his friend. I said "One of you smells good", to which he replied "Oh -it's me. You noticed... I put on my bod"... It was hilarious. And he made my day with that moment.

And on a more serious note, I conclude with a song:

In a bubble

Today someone came outside the A-frame camp building and announced that Michael Jackson had died. I don't know if this is true or not. Whether he is alive or dead is not really the subject matter, however it is what got me to thinking about it: I have no idea what is going on in the world around me.
I haven't heard or seen or read news in over 2 weeks. The most gossip I have is who likes who and what so-and-so didn't like about the last meal and what goes on in the personal lives of those who surround me in this little community of Sugar Pine.
I am not complaining. How can one complain when there isn't a window into the harshness the world has to offer? I can't. The only complain I have is the fact that I can't do anything about the world that continues to go outside the tree built wall I currently live in.
This week at Timber (the kids camp) was a group of kids brought in by the Kings County sheriffs Dept. The kids are low income, or come from bad homes.
I got to hanging out with the officers and this evening, one was talking with me about how there were some kids who had never smiled so much until this week and how he had to go put them back in the dump he got them from only a week ago. This was the best week of some of those kid's lives and now they have to return to the world. And I can't do a thing about it.
There are about 80 children. I can't save them. I can only be thankful that God is bigger than the world.

Dear Diary. . .

Do you ever find a person in your life and you're just not sure what to do with them? Maybe they are there because they have been for so long.Or maybe you don't feel it's proper to be giving people the 'ol boot in life. Or maybe they are there because there are times that you enjoy their company. But is that really a good enough reason to keep some one around?
It seems like the answer would be simple but when I take a closer look, I see the fine lined print. There's a point where all the other stuff starts to overtake it all. A point where "bad company corrupts good morals" really kicks in, and a point where the fun to be had can't be had at all because any room for laughter is filled with harbored resentment.
When I stop and look for a solution, I think to turn to God. Now, I think that's an excellent idea, however, I am feeling perhaps,like I don't know how to go about bringing this to Him. But why? Am I ashamed to have such negative feelings? Perhaps I am. I am not proud of these feelings I have. I am not proud of the way I act and the thoughts I have and the things I say. I am not proud to be carrying around this bitter taste in my mouth. It is gross and I would like it to be gone.
I would like to give it to God and I would like to be filled with love, not rage and joy, not bitterness.
I would like to know confidentally how to properly handle my trials and no longer feel this. . . disdain, this stained contentness and certainty.
I will give this to God. I will pray for the wisdom and the guidance. I will pray for the right attitude and a heart more like His. I will.

Chain Mail

I just finished reading Bren's blog and I am once again feeling inspired. Funny (not in a 'ha ha' kind of way) how that would be. Bren's blog was all about feeling inspired from Jake. And in turn, I am feeling inspired by Bren. Bren concluded her thoughts with words from Jake: "be you".
This could easily make a sarcastic person such as myself go: DUH! I'm not going to be Sally Jesse Raphael (whatever happened to her?) But I can't do that because when I hear about Bren's inspiration so beautifully written concluded with such an obvious statement, it makes me do a mental double-take. "Oh yeah! I just need to be me!"
It is so easy to walk numbly in this world. Even if you have a goal you're reaching for beneath all the muck, it is too easy to lose your passion on your way to getting there.
There have been a few times in the recent past where I have come across something or someone that has inspired me; that has reminded me of that little flame inside and reminded me that it's ok to let it burn aloud.
Yesterday I was noticing that my little flame seemed to have shrunken back some. I have an idea why and I know what I need to do but I wasn't having the motivation to get where I need to be going.
As it turns out it is such a simple solution: I just need to be me and not let the Duh!
Sometimes our little flames get put out by all the smog in the world and we need to come across another flame to light ours up again. Thank you Bren, soo much for being your optimistic, cheerful self and helping my little fire burn! And thanks to Jake (and Tom and Stewie - were those the right names??) for inspiring Bren who could in turn inspire me to do the things I long to do and help me feel refreshed and excited about them once again. Thank you!! :D

Vacation in Happiness (TN)

I am in the best place ever. I knew I loved the south but I forgot how much I loved it. It is amazing. I love the thunder storms, the humidity, the neighborly kindness, the fireflies, the normalcy of going to church. I love the the crickets, the warm rains, and of course,the food! I only get so many days here this trip and I want to re-experience all I can. I want to go to the creek (what northerners would call a lake, I suppose). I want to eat okra and bbq pork done the right way. Mmmm. And I want to sit on the porch in the warm air while the pitter-patter of rain surrounds me. The smell of rain and honeysuckle filling my nostrils. OH! I wish you could all experience it the way I do. I wish you could all feel the calm and complete contentness I feel when I'm here. It's wonderful. It's better than the perfect vacation I'd created in my mind. It is magnificent. And I am blessed to be here!