Dear Diary. . .

Do you ever find a person in your life and you're just not sure what to do with them? Maybe they are there because they have been for so long.Or maybe you don't feel it's proper to be giving people the 'ol boot in life. Or maybe they are there because there are times that you enjoy their company. But is that really a good enough reason to keep some one around?
It seems like the answer would be simple but when I take a closer look, I see the fine lined print. There's a point where all the other stuff starts to overtake it all. A point where "bad company corrupts good morals" really kicks in, and a point where the fun to be had can't be had at all because any room for laughter is filled with harbored resentment.
When I stop and look for a solution, I think to turn to God. Now, I think that's an excellent idea, however, I am feeling perhaps,like I don't know how to go about bringing this to Him. But why? Am I ashamed to have such negative feelings? Perhaps I am. I am not proud of these feelings I have. I am not proud of the way I act and the thoughts I have and the things I say. I am not proud to be carrying around this bitter taste in my mouth. It is gross and I would like it to be gone.
I would like to give it to God and I would like to be filled with love, not rage and joy, not bitterness.
I would like to know confidentally how to properly handle my trials and no longer feel this. . . disdain, this stained contentness and certainty.
I will give this to God. I will pray for the wisdom and the guidance. I will pray for the right attitude and a heart more like His. I will.

Chain Mail

I just finished reading Bren's blog and I am once again feeling inspired. Funny (not in a 'ha ha' kind of way) how that would be. Bren's blog was all about feeling inspired from Jake. And in turn, I am feeling inspired by Bren. Bren concluded her thoughts with words from Jake: "be you".
This could easily make a sarcastic person such as myself go: DUH! I'm not going to be Sally Jesse Raphael (whatever happened to her?) But I can't do that because when I hear about Bren's inspiration so beautifully written concluded with such an obvious statement, it makes me do a mental double-take. "Oh yeah! I just need to be me!"
It is so easy to walk numbly in this world. Even if you have a goal you're reaching for beneath all the muck, it is too easy to lose your passion on your way to getting there.
There have been a few times in the recent past where I have come across something or someone that has inspired me; that has reminded me of that little flame inside and reminded me that it's ok to let it burn aloud.
Yesterday I was noticing that my little flame seemed to have shrunken back some. I have an idea why and I know what I need to do but I wasn't having the motivation to get where I need to be going.
As it turns out it is such a simple solution: I just need to be me and not let the Duh!
Sometimes our little flames get put out by all the smog in the world and we need to come across another flame to light ours up again. Thank you Bren, soo much for being your optimistic, cheerful self and helping my little fire burn! And thanks to Jake (and Tom and Stewie - were those the right names??) for inspiring Bren who could in turn inspire me to do the things I long to do and help me feel refreshed and excited about them once again. Thank you!! :D

Vacation in Happiness (TN)

I am in the best place ever. I knew I loved the south but I forgot how much I loved it. It is amazing. I love the thunder storms, the humidity, the neighborly kindness, the fireflies, the normalcy of going to church. I love the the crickets, the warm rains, and of course,the food! I only get so many days here this trip and I want to re-experience all I can. I want to go to the creek (what northerners would call a lake, I suppose). I want to eat okra and bbq pork done the right way. Mmmm. And I want to sit on the porch in the warm air while the pitter-patter of rain surrounds me. The smell of rain and honeysuckle filling my nostrils. OH! I wish you could all experience it the way I do. I wish you could all feel the calm and complete contentness I feel when I'm here. It's wonderful. It's better than the perfect vacation I'd created in my mind. It is magnificent. And I am blessed to be here!